It was the sandals you see, it was all because of the sandals. I thought I would run into the agora and pick up a new pair of running shoes. I wanted Hermes because they’re the best. you know, the ones with the little wings on the heels. They normally cost a fortune, but there was this little stand just outside the agora proper. You know, the ones that aren’t government controlled. The dark skinned little metic who was selling them looked as if he were a Syrian trader and he had the Hermes winged sandals really cheap. I bought them. I should have known better, but I bought them. That’s how it all started.

Now I thought a good place for a run would be from Marathon to Athens. It was only 26 miles in those days before they moved the town and there was no need for speed, just a good cross country long distance with no trouble; was I wrong! I started out before dawn along the coast road. It was so dark I needed a burning torch to see where I was going. As I reached the swamps outside of town, this big Hydra popped up out of the water and made right for me. Now it’s a good thing I had my trusty sword with me. The only trouble is, you know how those Hydras are, you chop off one of their heads and it grows right back again and really fast, like right now. Happily I still had my burning torch. No problem, just chop off a head and then cauterize the stump with the torch and you’re on your way to victory. ( Good thing I had studied my mythology.)Just chop and burn, chop and burn and you’re home free. It’s quite a mess though. I had a quick wash and figured that was that. No such luck.

I had not gone very far when I encountered a lovely young girl sitting on a rock at the side of the road crying her eyes out. naturally curious, I stopped and introduced myself. She was a knockout even with all that eye makeup streaming down her face. She told me her name was Ariadne and she had a definite problem. Her mean old father was keeping a minotaur locked up in a maze and feeding young people to it.

“What’s a maze?”, I asked. “Nothing to worry about.”, she said, “Just a lot of twisty intersecting halls.” “How about I just off this minotaur and then all the trouble will be over?” “Oh, would you?”, she asked all sort of misty and helpless looking. “Sure, no trouble.”, I answered, “Just lead me to the maze.” She handed me a great big ball of saved up twine and said, “Here you’ll need this. Just tie one end to the door and then you can find your way out again by following the string.” “Good thinking.”, I said, “and by the way, what’s a minotaur?” “Oh don’t worry”, she said. “You’ll know it when it finds you, er, I mean when you find it.”Here she said this might help.” She handed me a bad looking club that had a label on it that said, “Property Of Hercules”. “Well, maybe I might do better with a nice bow and a quiver of arrows. You know, like you don’t have to get so close.” “Trust me.”, she said.

Now all of this took most of the morning and by the time I had killed my first minotaur and ditched Ariadne it was nearly time for lunch.

A quick jog to the nearest roadside taverna and some souvlaki and wine and I was on my way with a to go amphora of wine and a big souvlaki on a long sharpened stick.

I hadn’t gotten very far when this giant jock popped out from behind a rock and ran right at me. I could see that he had only one eye in the middle of his forehead. Oh no, not that, a cyclops. If ever a fellow needed a cloak of invisibility, this was it. Unfortunately they don’t make them anymore. Well, this looked like it was it. Just time for one last drink. I took a big swig of wine and the cyclops stopped in his tracks and smiled from ear to ear. “WINE!”, the big galoot gurgled.

“Wanna swig”, I asked in a friendly like way.

He grabbed the amphora and started to down it like a shooter. His black matted hair hung down over his eye for a moment like a skein of wool. In an instant I shoved the sharpened stick, souvlaki and all, right into his one eye. I must have hit the pea brain as he dropped on the spot.

This had already turned into quite a day. It was getting late. I had to get to the Acropolis before all the parties started in the Plaka. Still I thought after all that, I had better take a rest. I didn’t want to look all burned out in the clubs that night. It looked like the cyclops was out of action for good so How about 40 winks in that empty cave where he used to live? He wouldn’t need it anymore. I walked in.

Phew! this guy was the world’s champion pack rat. The place was filled to the top with stuff he must of lifted off his victims. This was a major junkyard full of old dirty trash. Over in the corner there was a bronze shield so clean and so highly polished it looked like a mirror. It reflected light throughout the entire cave. It was big enough to serve as a pillow were it not so hard and unyielding. Not to worry, there was a cleanish looking coil of rope right next to it. The two of them would serve my purposes together. I took the shield and laid it with the concave side up and took the coil of rope and put it into the shield. A good makeshift pillow. I put my head on it nd went to sleep at once.

I had slept but for a few minutes when I seemed to hear a strange sibilant hissing sound. It made me wake half up and I lie there listening. Sounded like snakes. Now, if there is one thing I don’t like it’s snakes. That got my attention.

As I drifted back to consciousness, her face came slowly into focus. A hideous woman with a nest of snakes writhing in her hair. I didn’t really see it as I was only half awake, but I knew at once that it was the Medusa.

Now, as I have said before, I studied my mythology when I was young and I knew what she was and what she could do. I averted my eyes.

She made a horrible shrieking sound and I had the distinct impression that she was about to eat me alive. I jumped to my feet without looking at the creature and grabbed the polished shield. I held it so that I could see her reflection in the shield without actually looking at her. With one strong slash of my sword I severed the head from the body. The creature was as dead as a doornail and the snakes along with her.

Well, that was enough of a nap. I hightailed it back to Athens and for once the winged sandals worked as advertised.

Here I am in a pleasant taverna in Athens telling my story. To tell the truth, I haven’t paid for a meal or a drink in Athens since I made it up.