Well, in my land fruitcake is an honored tradition. But you EAT the stuff? No wonder it's gotten such a horrible reputation!

You see, during the winter the ground freezes. You can't dislodge rocks in order to huck them into offending neighboring villages. So we use the lowest-quality grain, wizened fruit, and so on, and bake the stuff rock-hard so that it flies better in the catapaults. You can soak them in alcohol so that they're easier to ignite.

Lotsa fun.

What did you think? We gave them to you as PRESENTS?