I've been asked by folks living on the outskirts of Rome to pass along this letter:

Dear Arachne Web Wizards and others with decorating skills:

Last year, our neighbor Billy Joe Bob Cornelius, once again demonstrated his singularly lack of taste. It was bad enough when he moved in and we woke up to find laundry hanging out on the olive tree and his chariot up on blocks but just when we thought it couldn't get any worse, Saturnalia rolled around.

Last year we were treated to a deer hanging upside in his olive tree. Granted, it did have a festive bow around his neck before he skinned it. Said olive tree was decorated with green and red cans of that import from the Americas, skoal chewing tobacco and gaily spray painted pieces of broken amphorae were hung by the windows with some semblance of care.

So now we come to you.

HELP! Please HELP! Right now, he's out hunting and I know he'll be dragging another dead animal home to hang from the tree for Saturnalia, festive bow and all. While he's gone, we need your help to decorate his house. Now granted, it can't be your usual decorations or he'd take potshots at it while hanging and skinning us from the tree. So all said decorations will have to always keep in mind that Billy Joe Bob is a died in the wool ancient redneck.

Oh...and keep it clean. All the gods know it won't be clean by the time Billy Joe Bob gets done with it. *sigh* But we can start there.

Residents of Muleshoe Lane on the outskirts of Rome