I'm currently re-watching the whole Buffy series. Now, I have to say, although I had made it a point to remember some great quotes, there's just no way to remember all of them. And it's probably the non-comedy show with the biggest amount of funny lines/minute. I couldn't even have all those heard in the first two eps here, or this post would just have become way too long. So instead I tried to come with the best. Enjoy, and don't hesitate to comment ;-)

Buffy Quotes, Season 1, part 1
B=Buffy, X=Xander, W=Willow, C=Cordelia, G=Gilles, D=Darla, J=Jesse, F=Principal Flutie
Episode 1: Welcome to The Hellmouth X: Willow, you're so very much the person I wanted to see W: Really? X: Yeah, I kinda had a problem with the math. W: Uh, which part? X: The math. X:What's the stitch? What do you know about her? J:New Girl. X:Well, you're certainly a font of nothing X:Me and Buffy go way back, old friends, very close. Then there was our estrangement, where I think we were both growing as people. But now here we are like old times. I'm quite moved. J:Is it me or are you turning into a bubbling idiot X:No, it's not you. C:I don't mean to interrupt your downward mobility, but I just wanted to tell you you won't be meeting Coach Foster, the woman with the chest hair, because gym was cancelled due to extreme dead guy in the locker. B:You heard about the dead guy, right? In the locker. G:Yes B:Cos, it's the weirdest thing. He's got two little holes in his neck, and all his blood's been drained. Isn't that bizarre? Aren't you just going "Oooh...."? G:What do you know about this town? B:It's two hours on the freeway from Neiman Marcus? B:To make you a vampire, they suck your blood, and then you suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly, they're just gonna kill you. B:Ok, first of all, I'm a vampire slayer. And secondly, I'm retired. Hey, I know, why don't you kill them? G:I'm a watcher, I haven't the skill.... B:Oh, come on! A stake through the heart, a little sunlight, it's like falling off a log G:Something is coming. Something....Something is gonna happen. Here. Soon. B:Gee, can you vague that up for me. W:I don't date a lot -lately. B:Why not? W:Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or....or witty, or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to walk away. C:My mom doesn't get out of bed anymore. The doctor says it's Epstein-Barr, and I'm like "Please, it's chronic hepatitis, or at least chronic fatigue syndrom". I mean, nobody cool has Epstein-Barr anymore. C:God! What is your childhood trauma! B:Now, we can do this the hard way, or....Well, actually, there's just the hard way. D:That's fine with me. B:Are you sure? 'Cause that's not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content....
part 2 G:So, all the city plans are just....open to the public? W:Oh, well, in a way. I sort of stumbled on to them....when I accidentally decrypted the city council's security system. G:It may be that you can wrest some information from that dread machine. (silence) That was a bit, erm, British, wasn't it? I want you to go on the Net. F:Well, maybe that's how they do things in Britain, they have the Royal family and all kinds of problems.... X:This is just too much. Yesterday, my life was "Uh-oh! Pop-quiz". Today it's "rain of toads". J:I am not OK on an epic scale. J:I feel good, man, I feel strong. I'm connected to everything. I can hear the worms in the earth. X:That's a plus. W:Well, they sound like the things you were looking for. Throats, blood.... G:It's all coming together. I rather wish it weren't. B:So Giles, got anything that could make that day any worse? G:How about the end of the world? B:Knew I could count on you. L:Ladies and Gentlemen, there is no cause for alarm.(pause) Actually, there is cause for alarm, it just won't do any good. B:Well, we averted the apocalypse. I'll give us points for that. G: We may, in fact, stand between the earth and it's total destruction. B: Well, I got to look on the bright side - maybe I can still get kicked out of school. X: Oh yeah, that's a plan, 'cause a lot of schools aren't on a Hellmouth. W: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that. B: I was thinking of a more subtle approach. You know, like excessive not studying. G: The earth is doomed.