We're having goat cooked in a special way for dinner. Why? Because we can. There are no priests or other authority figures around who can dictate the appropriateness of food items for the Harem table, so I'm making goat lasagna. Well, I’m having the cooks make goat lasagna. There will also be corn (of course), lime pie, and Egyptian dates. Pretend like you're not jealous. I can see right through you.

Yesterday some of us got bored and walked through the hanging gardens looking for alligators. No luck, but it was hot and sunny and we saw about 40,000 different kinds of birds. The other stuff we did I'm not going to tell you about because this is not that kind of web site. They say the King is coming home tomorrow. I can't wait to see his triumphal entrance to the city. The splendor and power will be overwhelming not mention his horse-driven chariot! Other than that, I think I would rather go to the spa for a few more months.

The beginning of summer approaches, and I'm going to be thrown into that annual funk I like to call "It’s too @#$%&!* hot to do anything." I hate the peer pressure and the idea that if you really love your king and country you have to spend obscene amounts of time parading around the throne room or gardens looking cool as a cucumber, which you are not. This year, I swear, I'm going to petition for transfer to the temple. I hear those huge pillared halls and antechambers are cool all summer through.