Message: Take the Reality Test!
Author: - Aemilia Maximus
Date: Feb 15, 2001 15:13

Take the reality test! It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s almost painless!

Step right up here to see if YOU need to get out more.

1. When you connect to the Internet, where do you head?
a) For the News, and info when your spouse/children are in the room, and
then head off to Farmyard Secrets.com to satisfy your horrified curiosity
as soon as they go out?
b) To Ancient Sites to generally play silly buggers and catch up with
friends and foes online.
c) To Ancient Sites BB’s where you sit and click refresh until your
shoulder muscles are shot to pieces looking for something, someone, anyone
to respond to/interact with, and any level will do.

2. Role Play Is…
a) Something you’d rather not discuss with strangers
b) ‘Never Having to Say, hey that was funny’( – Losiento Curius. I had to
use it Los – it made me chuckle so much.) or a matter of RESPECT!
c) The only thing you deign to acknowledge because reality really REALLY
sucks.

3. You pick a fight and make a fool of yourself in public. Do you…
a) Apologise and attempt to leave with your dignity intact?
b) Don’t directly apologise, flame the offended for a while, then
eventually get bored and decide to just deal with it, because after all,
it IS only cyberspace and go and do something real for a few days while
you cool off?
c) Continue doggedly, insult the people who had the sheer nerve to fight
back, delete the offending thread, whine to the CG’s, hurl unfounded
allegations of hacking and claim your life is ruined?

4. What do you think of this link?
a) What’s a link?
b) LOL! Nice one!
c) There CAN’T be an end to the Internet. It’s not theoretically possible.
Everywhere links somewhere. See, SEE? I’m clicking the ‘back button’ on my
browser right now and I’m back to THIS page to where I can link to
anywhere I like. That’s not funny – I’m incapacitated by everything
outside and can’t leave the house.

5. You’re cooking dinner and while knocking together a quick white sauce
you accidentally leave the handle of a metal whisk hanging over a flame.
When you pick up the whisk you burn your hand. Do you…
a) Swear loudly and rudely and plunge your hand under the cold tap?
b) Consider writing to a consumer affairs programme demanding that all
whisks should have handles made of fire redardant material, then see the
error of your ways and laugh at yourself while reaching for the Burn-Eze?
c) Take this as the irrefutable proof that reality sucks and that the
human condition is fraught with nothing but pain and suffering, but
nonetheless consider incorporating the painful experience into your next
RP post in which a rustic maiden burns her hand while cooking over the
campfire.

6. When you last went to the Cinema did you stick around to watch the
credits to…
a) wait for other people to leave their seats so you could get out of the
row
b) See who did the special effects
c) Find out who to write to re. Obtaining the fontface used in the
credits.

7. A delivery man comes to the door to drop off a package. Do you…
a) Sign for the package
b) Hesitate on the grounds that you ALMOST signed with your cyber-handle
and find yourself needing a long walk and a hot bath.
c) Go into a panic attack when you realise that the words you speak can
not be removed using delete or even backspace. AAAAGHH!

8. While playing on the Internet late at night there is a power cut. Do
you…
a) Check your fuse boxes
b) Grumble about losing the thread of the conversation you were having and
search for some candles.
c) Or do you whimper and sob, clutching your processor to feel its dying
warmth knowing that any minute the nasty reality monster is going to get
you?

9. Last Christmas, did you?
a) Spend the day with your family, eating, drinking and enjoying their
company
b) Duck out of the kitchen when a family row over the crosses on the base
of the Brussel Sprouts happened, but reflect that you can’t choose your
family and it’s only once a year.
c) Sit and stare at the strange mooing figments of your imagination as you
wonder why they cut your food up small and won’t allow you to use any
sharp cutlery.

10. On the last sunny day did you…
a) Go outside to enjoy the sunshine, just for a walk, or took the kids to
the park
b) Didn’t feel like going out, but opened a window to let out some of the
foul miasma in the room and stuck your head out for a bit to feel the
breeze on your cheeks and to blow the cobwebs away.
c) Danced in the sunlight in the magic grove at the edge of the Elven
King’s kingdom while your lousy RL parents insisted that they wanted the
computer to check their e-mail, the inconsiderate bastards.

How Did You Score?
A’s = 2 points, B’s = 1 point, C’s = 0 points

Except for question 9 – that was a trick question for all you smug sods
who thought you’d rumbled the scoring system. On question 9 answer B
scores you 2 points and answer A scores only 1. If you answered A to
question nine, you are either an incorrigable liar or a member of the
Walton Family.

If you scored Twenty points…
You are distinctly boring. There’s such a thing as too much reality you
know. Think of the magic, the myths, the unadulterated bollocks…oh no, you
probably get all your fantasy via farmyardsecrets.com, don’t you, you
sicko? Urrrgh. I’m glad I don’t know you.

If you scored Twenty to Ten points…
Be careful. You have a grasp on reality. The trick is to maintain a happy
medium. Reality is nice, but so is cyberspace. If you find yourself
cuddling your mousemat, EVER, stop immediately. You are walking on the
brink. It’s dangerous, yet exhilarating. Keep walking that tightrope – if
you make it until next Tuesday. You obviously live so dangerously that you
probably won’t make it into your forties.

If you scored less than ten points and your score threatens to go into
negative numbers, THERE IS NO HOPE! WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE! YOU MUST GO
OUTSIDE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Do you really want to spend the rest of your
life accidentally writing emoticons into greetings cards to people and
having your agonised Carpal Tunneled wrists crammed into new tubigrips?
Take a sledgehammer to your computer. There is NO OTHER WAY!