*stops, adjusts stola, spits onto palms, shudders, and wipes it off*

a) Gets out Olympi-Phone and calls Jot.
b) Gets busy signal.
c) Sends urgent phoenix-post to Cornellia Cornelius to borrow



d) Looks around for can of gas. Reconsiders.

e) Attempts to bribe Vortigern to run to the gas station for fuel. Shows Roman plunder. Is put firmly in place.

f) Remembers Bryce always has a spare can of gas in her 4X4. Sends off Pyrex to borrow.

g) Notices that she's broken a nail picking up the chainsaw. Repairs.

h) Receives message that Bryce is gathering corn for the MP Festival. Reconsiders.

i) Remembers that Death Wuffyng always carries scythe. Contacts Mercury and requests instant message.

j) Mercury shows up with a pair of scissors, a gardening hat, and a garbled message that Death's scythe is busy elsewhere. Reconsiders.

k) Remembers Jot's special deletion powers granted to demis. Deletes stump from rest of tree. Tree crashes on MacMorna's head. Damages assessment.

l) Contacts Senex Caecilius, AW Poet Laureate. Senex arrives, orates 47 Double-Dactyl poems at tree. Branches shrivel and fall off.

m) Stump remains firmly in earth. Has cup of Falernian from ready amphora, reconsiders.

n) Contacts Julilla for possible source of blasting powder. Julilla replies, kept solely for misbehaving citizens. Has another drink and reconsiders.

o) Remembers Hercules (well, I AM a Roman!) Sends off unwanted Roman plunder and delicate request for aid. Hercules responds that he's busy with Augean stables, but sends old buddy Anticus Cornelius.



p) Offers Anticus rest of Falernian. Anticus sneezes lightly, giant roots pop up like a wine cork. Discussions for payment concluded.

q) Goes to MacMorna and Vortigern and shows cut, bare, stripped tree. Is informed that, being a demi, no rewards are available!

r) Finishes Falernian and cheers the rest, doing it the normal way!

I get by with a little help from my friends....