((My word. Curse this flu. Anyway, here we go...finally.))

"Well, do you know Senator Publius Valerius Tarquinius?" asked Maria Marius, her gaze fixed upon the not-at-all unpleasant features of the lawyer Addisonius Furius Camillus.

Addisonius did know Publius Valerius Tarquinius, of course. It was hard to avoid the fellow, in fact. He could not say that he knew him well; he was merely a man who had the most tiresome habit of being commonly seen everywhere about the city. He knew everyone; he had a band of paid ruffians that was almost as large as the lawyer's own. The lawyer recalled the fact that there had even been a time when he could scarcely attend a dinner party without finding Valerius boozing out in the peristyle walk-ways, slumping all over the serving girls in the most disgusting manner...

"I know him," said Addisonius, a hint of disdain in his voice. "Not well, however."

"You've been spared, then," said Maria, with obvious distaste for the man.

"I suppose I have, in a way," responded Addisonius. "He does not exactly make for pleasant company, I find. I am usually inclined to avoid him, in fact. Luckily, I am not a terribly popular man in society myself and so our meetings have been few. Why ever would you inquire about that rather greasy little eel of a senator?" He asked this with an air of politeness that contrasted sharply with his somewhat tasteless choice of words.

"I would ask myself the same, were it not for that pig's insistance on disrupting my household!" Maria intoned. "He is a snake, Addisonius Furius Camillus..." Flaccus Valerius seemed to be a strange blending of beasts indeed, the lawyer thought. A little eel, a pig, and a snake combined. Very unpleasant, that. "This very evening, he brought disgrace upon my household - my husband's household - when he cruelly beat my young slave Lysippus!"

Addisonius nodded. Flaccus Valerius, he believed, a very low ruffian. Nothing surprised him in regards to the man's character. Perhaps the little slug would not stoop so low as to devour babies or defile altars with cow dung or something unpleasant to that effect, but he could be expected to act in a very vile manner indeed if he wanted to.

"You wish to bring forward charges against this ruffian for battering your property in such a way and bringing disgrace upon your household, I suppose," said Addisonius, flatly.

"Exactly, Addisonius!" exclaimed Maria. "In fact, I would be very pleased indeed to see Flaccus Valerius beaten to a bloody little pulp..."

"Ah!" said Addisonius, lighting up. "You'd like to sue him in delict, eh?"

"That's right! In delict!" said Maria. "I would be so very pleased to see my man Quintus take a rod to him. Or perhaps to break some of his bones with a rock. Well, I'd simply like to see him beaten, as I said, to a bloody..."

"...Little pulp," concluded Addisonius. Maria Marius, he decided, was obviously upset...

"Exactly," she said, nodding gravely. The lawyer caught a glimpse of her unusually green eyes in the light of his oil lamp. He found it hard at that moment to take his own eyes off of them.

"And you want me to bring him down to your man Quintus so that he may proceed to give him a good thrashing, eh?"

"That is what I desire."

"Maria...that is simply impossible," he concluded, waving his hands in a sympathetic gesture. "You simply cannot go about battering senators into bloody little pulps. Or rather, your man Quintus cannot. It would not be in the best of taste, Maria. You should instead accept money damages."

Maria looked somewhat peevish for a sudden moment. Her eyes widened. "Money damages? What would I want money damages for? I have enough money to suit me! But my slave has been beaten badly! He shall never be of use to me again in this state! Do you think that I would so lightly see my property damaged by such this slug?"

Addisonius shook his head, nervously clutching his stylus for absolutely no reason at all. He concluded that this 'Lysippus' was obviously one of those handsome young boys who were only about for the sole purpose of pleasing the eyes of their mistress.

"No...no... As vulgar a ruffian as he undoubtedly is, he will not be beaten. Not physically, that is. And besides, how would such a thing reflect upon you? The patriotic would think you something appalling for handling a man of such an exalted position in such a way. No, the matter is too sordid, for one thing, and it would never be allowable! The most you could do is have your man beat one of Valerius's slaves. That is all."

This time, Maria was the one shaking her head. "I want Flaccus Valerius to be the one who pays..."

"And so he shall, Maria," said Addisonius. "Once he admits to his crime, there is no need to bring him to court and no need to beat the man or his slave. Please do accept my advice on the matter. It would be in your best interest - in the best interest of all, in fact - merely to settle this business out of court."

"Money damages?" asked Maria, in a tone that did not betray her own opinion on the matter.

"Money damages," said Addisonius. "It is for the best. Sometimes that which is best is that which is least."

She did not immediately respond. He leaned forward in his seat, peering at her green eyes once again. "You do trust me," he asked, "don't you?"