I write this on what would have been my sister's 35th birthday. Today she haunted my mind off and on like a specter in a cluttered attic. I miss my sister, I missed her for years before she died, but now that she is gone, I miss her more, this is her second birthday since her death and it is not any easier than the last, I want to celebrate her life, but, I despair about her life, and then there is a part of me that thinks of my baby sister and the way we were before she found drugs and alcohol. Like I always do, I stuff the emotion, and just think, Happy Birthday, Chrissy, I love you

I'll never forget the day I got the call, it was one I had long expected, but I couldn't help but think of the ways things used to be...when we were kids and young adults. I thought of her and the smile on her face and the sparkle in her cornflower eyes when I offered to take her out to toss the ball around for the first time. I never expected she would become a wicked softball player.
I thought of when I took her off to the side for the first time to work with her on cheerleading for her first try out and attempting to teach her to land her first cartwheel, I didn't expect her to make the sqaud, but she did.
I thought of all the times we shared our hopes and dreams and all the laughs and tears we had shared through the years. I thought things would never change but they did.
When we both found out we were expecting our first child together and made our plans together, I never expected she would abandon her son, but she did.
I never thought my sister would become an addict, but she did.

I never thought my sister would steal from my parents, our siblings, and myself, but she did.
I never thought I'd see my sister do prison time, but, she did.
Then the day came when I feared my sister would overdose, it took awhile but...she did.
I never thought the day would come where I would bury my little sister..
I never thought I would have to console her son or my parents....but I did.