I think I'm going to die. The state Latin certification test looms over me like a Damocles sword. I thought I would be ok since I could translate pretty decently, but I now I know better as I desperately try to cram every single grammar rule known to Romankind into my pitiful little ditzy brain. It's not as bad as you think it is, my Latin professor says. How am I supposed to teach children Latin if I struggle over the test? Maybe I should've majored in French. It didn't seem that hard in high school, although to be honest their culture isn't nearly as fascinating as the Romans. Now I'm rambling. Eek. *curls up into a fetal ball*

Mavs lost AGAIN! *insert expletives* I haven't been this upset since my Mariners (I lived near Seattle at the time so I could claim them as my own) had one of the winnginest seasons in baseball history, and then lost in the playoffs to... them. I still hate them so much I won't even speak of their name. If the Mavs don't win game seven, I think I'll... I'll... sit home and bawl my eyes out :(

Mavs lost by one frikkin point. Come on guys... (don't you feel silly when you start talking to yourself?).

I feel like the need to apologize, especially to those here who knew me best, for not being around. It seems the closer I reach graduation, the more professors like to assign me. This is the first time that spring break will actually not be a break for me since most of my classes have something big due immediately after it. School is really wearing me down and if it weren't for Mike and others I probably would've snapped by now. Just taking it day by day...

Speaking of Mike, he is doing fine. He's applied/applying to several well-paying jobs in the hopes that we can get married sometime after I graduate (between taxes and paying off student loans, I'm going to be broke right out of college). Even still, that is still a ways off so we're not too worried about it. Erm yea, that's about it.

PS Tan, you'll be glad to know I'm getting better at my Latin translation skills. If only I could get the hang of those darn ablatives though (or as Mike calls them, ablaetives).

... and I see I just broke the commpanel again *sigh*

I'll be amazed if I survive the next few days of school finals. Whoever heard of having three on one day?? People keep telling me it's a good thing, because then I'll have 'em over and done with. My response? Pfft. It may seem that way when it's all through, but for now and especially come that particularly day it's just... eek. Hopefully I'll be able to survive enough to help out with/enjoy Saturnalia. Then I will post an update on Mike and life in general.

Blah.

First of all, thanks to everyone who left me a nice little Valentine's greeting. They were all very nice.

Alright. So. Even though I still don't have a solid definition of what 'love' is, I think I've stepped into it or a close approximation of it. I've calmed down considerably from Monday, when I was anticipating seeing him so much I was shaking the entire second half of class, but thinking of him still makes my poor little heart skip a beat. My mother keeps implying that I'm only setting up myself for heartbreak, but I don't care. I'm not going to put a damper on such a good thing with thoughts of doom and gloom. If we do end up parting ways (perish the thought!) I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. The only thing I'm worried about is that since he's such a good listener, I tend to run off my mouth a lot and end up saying stupid stuff. How can I help it when he looks at me so? I like to tease him about the cute actors in Hollywood, but in reality he's just as good as the rest of them, probably more so. And I love it when I manage to make him laugh, because I love listening to the sound of it.

He calls me Saturday the 12th, first telling me something funny that happened to his friend that morning, then confirming the time of our date and asking if it would be alright if we went out to eat first before going to the movie. I spend more time than usual putting on my face, as they say, and deciding what to wear. I ended up with jeans and a sweater that made me look smart and sophisticated but casual, topped with a little trinket necklace. He picks me up, and in a freaky coincidence he's playing his Goo Goo Dolls CD (It was on "Iris" when I got in) - a band that I totally loved a few years ago. I point this out and we start talking about music. We go to a favorite restaurant of his, one I haven't been to in awhile, and he tells me how he came to like it (it was down the street from an old apartment of his and he ended up going there a lot). The food was pretty good, although the conversation lulled a couple of timesStill, it was very nice. So then comes time to pay up, so I reach for my purse and almost have my money out - and then he hands the waiter his debit card, making a joke about the bill ($20.02 - not too bad). I was so shocked I didn't know what to say for awhile. Anyway, it was too late to do anything by then.

Next up, the mall to go to the movie. Took up forever to find a parking space (Who'd have thought to go shopping on a Saturday night?). By the time we got there, the seats were mostly full so that there were no two together in the theatre. We ended up refunding them for a later showing, so now we had two hours to waste. First he took me to a tiny shop that sold beanbag chairs. I ended up sprawling in the biggest one there, and Mike on the beanbag footstool next to it. I'll never forget the grin he flashed when I sat back, putting my hands behind my head. We went around exploring the mall for awhile. He still teases me about when I almost had a heart attack while we had unknowingly been walking toawrds a Hello Kitty section of a department store. There was a point when we were swept up when all the teenagers in the mall rushed past us to witness either a fight or a shoplifter being caught. We finally ended up seeing the movie, and every time Mike laughed during the movie - which was a lot - he would turn to me, which I thought was kinda odd. He drove me home, still to the Goo Goo Dolls, and when he dropped me off I admit I waited a few extra seconds, but nothing happened. I found out later from one of his friends that he had been shy about even asking me out, and if it weren't for them kicking his butt in gear he probably still wouldn't have. It was then that I realized how puppy-ish Mike seemed the whole time. Le sigh.

Part of me still can't believe that Mike ever asked me out on a date, much less that I actually went through with it. I guess I should start Friday afternoon, just after I finished classes for the day and had a quick lunch. On a friend's advice, I dressed up a little nicer with a button-up shirt and a plain khaki skirt so I could show Mike my wonderful legs *G* At our usual hangout, an older friend of ours named Craig asked me if I would play ping pong with him and a few others, and I agreed. Soon after Mike comes in to watch, and my game goes downhill because I was so nervous around him. The others ended up going their own way, mostly to go play pool, and somehow Mike and I end up playing by ourselves. We played a couple hours of extreme ping pong - hitting it just about everywhere but the table, teasing each other and having fun. I felt I had finally made a deeper connection with him I hadn't ever made before.

Late that night our university was having its "Homecoming", and yet another friend was helping out with the mechanical bull ride (only in Texas...). Of course we just had to see her. It was very crowded, and after realizing that we had missed her shift, Mike and I again seemed to be alone and started to wander around. We passed a giant bronze bust of some important guy, and I explained to him the good luck charm: before a test, you're supposed to rub the top of his head for good luck. It's been done so many times they've had to recast him several times; even today you can see his pate is shinier than the rest of him. Mike just laughed and said he'd have to remember that. There wasn't much there other than that. As we were walking back, he hits me with surprise number one of the night: commenting that I looked nice. I said a polite thank you, then responding that it was only because I had run out of other clean laundry (which was partially true).

So we went back to our friends and chilled. Mike and I were sitting next to each other at a small table and he ends up hitting me with surprise number two of the night: turning to me and asking if I would like to go see the movie Hitch with him tomorrow night (this was later extended to dinner and a movie). I was so shocked that I said the first thing that came to mind. Sure. The rest of the night seems a blur to me, honest. He probably ended up taking me home though, like he's in the habit of doing now. I do remember though hardly getting any sleep because I was obsessing over it so much.

Tomorrow: how the date actually went

Ever since the night we all went sidewalk chalking (see Jan 20 entry), I seriously could not get Mike off of my mind. Usually when I like someone it's for a few days, but this has lasted like what a couple weeks now? I have been talking to him like crazy whenever I see him, but still I keep a bit of a distance since I don't know if he made a girlfriend over Christmas break.

So all of us were hanging around tonight at our usual place, just chilling and talking. I talk with Mike a bit, casually mentioning that I didn't have his number. So we end up exchanging numbers. I believe that is the second time in my life I've ever asked a guy for his number. So... after awhile some of us decide to go out to eat and chill some more. Mike volunteers to drive me and a friend there, and again I feel pressured to make him laugh as much as he makes me. We get there, I take my precious time ordering, and end up getting a smaller portion of what Mike already got. In line behind me, I hear another friend of ours comment that I've become more talkative since before the break and I can't help but smile. Someone was catching on.

We sit, eat, talk. After awhile Mike and I shared tortillas, which were actually given to me by someone else who was through with them ("The communal tortillas", we called them). Then we get into a little fight, batting his plastic cup across the table. When that was destroyed, we resorted to paper balls. The night wears on, the crowd dwindles, Mike takes us home again. He drops off our friend first, then as we near my building he asks why I'm not around more often. I explain I have a full courseload this semester. I forget what he said next, but whatever it was triggered me to blurt out that he can call me any time, as long as I'm not in class. He says ok, and I say my final good-bye. I was tempted to leave my scarf in his car, but didn't have the oppurtunity. I'm not going to obsess over this. I won't. I refuse to. I'll just wait and see what happens.

of the liberation of Auschwitz. I am not Jewish, but it still has a profound effect on me. On all of us. I really feel like I should write something to encompass it all, but I can't. It just speaks for itself. What a hideous, dark blot on history. Lest we forget, indeed.

Ok, so I honestly thought my whole day was going to be depressing yesterday. I had been reading the 'definitive' biography on one of my heroes voraciously the past few days. Then yesterday, while reading, my whole world was turned upside down. I have admired and respected the subject with almost childlike reverence for some time now, and have been able to forgive his faults as I see them as just making up his character.

There was one instance, however, where the subject made a grave error I already knew of but the author goes into depth. Suddenly I realize my idyllic hero is not so idyllic afterall. In fact, far from it. Boy that really ruined things. Now, however, I am happily in denial/rationalization and do not foresee rising up from this place in the near future. I wonder how others have coped with the notion that someone they have greatly admired was indeed fallible?

Overall though, I'm not really liking the book. It leaves out details and anecdotes, probably for space, that I had personally enjoyed. I think this is the first large historical book I've read where I knew more than what the author revealed.

So anyway, I went to dinner, then a meeting, then off to my friends. The night ended up with Mike, Jeremy, and I chalking sidewalks around campus for an event on Friday night. I must say that for the first time I think I've witnessed signs that Jeremy actually likes me. Before, I've always had the notion, from his comments, that he thought I was a bit... off the mark. Maybe because he's from New York?

Another thing: before, Mike used to make me laugh, but I always used to think he was bit too goofy for me. Last night though it seemed like everything that came out of his mouth made me laugh out loud. I also noticed that he had new highlights done to his hair since I last saw him which looks very nice. After he drove me home, I read a little more and then, because I was hungry, I ate a fortune cookie I always pick up at lunch. The fortune said something like 'You are true and honest in your philosophy of love'. Well, considering that I technically don't have a philosophy on love... but it's something to think about.

One thing about the sidewalk chalking: it was fun, especially since most of the time we all wrote in all different whichways from each other. Jeremy kept misspelling 'coffee', Mike once blanked out while attempting to write an N, and in our next spot I too blanked out while trying to write a 3. On our last spot, beside a residence hall where our friend lived, we added a personal message for her :)