Well, anyone who knew about my deadline would know by now that it was never met.
Why? You ask yourself; well the little angel I was writing with had a tantrum.

I know that we are supposed to keep things nice around here and as I know that there are children around here I will do my best to keep things to a bare minimum but I need to vent for a little while so if you don’t want to hear me being a bitch then by all means, I suggest that you stop reading right now.
Thank you!


Well if you read the previous journal entry you would know that she refused to do any work, as she was supposed to and we had agreed to divide it, but this got soo much worse this past Monday.

We worked all of Sunday and agreed to meet on Monday as well so we could finally finish, three days late, and hand the thesis in. So we did.
All of the sudden she tells me that although she had thanked me and said that she loved what I did with her text, after I had spent all day working on a rewrite she needed my help with (she was stuck and did not know what to do or how to go about it) and she had claimed that she was thrilled as it had been exactly what she wanted to do with it but did not quite know how.
Well, she told me on Monday that she had changed her mind and DID NOT like any of the changes anymore and that she wanted everything changed back EVEN THOUGH she KNEW that our adviser had told her it needed to be rewritten.

So what did I do?
I spent two bloody hours trying to explain that it had not “lost it’s meaning” as she claimed it had, that it was not wrong, that it was actually what we had been asked (or rather told) to do with it. She refused!
So we took yet another break so she could have another fag (that is a cigarette for the Americans) and so that we could calm down and think about it.
So far, fine. I was still able to hold my temper and NOT blow up and call her a bloody twit or anything else far more colourful.

But of course, this is when she decides to take things up a notch, as they say.

She decides that we simply cannot work together anymore and on the day of our deadline the bloody arse of a girl that she is tells me that MAYBE we should call it a day and actually separate so we can each write our own thesis.

Trust me, the thought HAD crossed my mind, but I also knew that it far too late to do such a thing and that it would not be fair to do so either, not only would I muck things up for myself but also for her. But no, the little dear (change the word dear for a far more colourful and appropriate one) decides that THIS is the day she wants to do part ways, the day we are due, the day of our deadline.
&%&¤%&#¤#%&¤&%¤!!!

Fine! We had our last meeting with our adviser that day at noon so we decided to tell him how she felt, I kept my mouth shut as I thought it best.
As we had agreed we met him and he was of course quite worried, specially after seeing the look in my face and knowing that there was NO WAY to talk me out of this now.
(By now I only wanted to be rid of her)
Of course this is the very time when my brain decides that it also wants to get a migraine, so what happens? I get the biggest mother of a migraine, the worse one I have had in the past 3 months.
Lars, my thesis adviser, does his best to find me any painkiller that may be available and cold water, which only helped a little. At least enough to get my arse home, but I did have to pray that I would not faint or fall over on the train. Or get nauseous for that matter, you name it. When it gets bad, it gets BAD! And this one was as bad as it could get.

Moving on, so we decided to split up and that we would separately meet Lars on the next day so he could help us divided the word and so I went home to sleep.

Tuesday morning I woke up with the very same migraine so I had to phone Lars and let him know I could not come. I got his machine so I could not rebook our meeting and asked him to phone me back. But instead he decides to meet with Sarah, the little “angel” I was working with and ask her to please let me know what he had decided on.
Wonderful! *ironic*

So she asked if we could talk after class on Wednesday, we did.
She told me what had been decided and then proceeded to get very upset because I would NOT discuss my “new” thesis with her.
Now this is where I reach my very last limit!

Up until this point I had been soo very good, I had been able to hold my temper, I had been a lady and NOT yelled and told her EXACTLY how I felt about her because I did NOT want to make things worse, but she woke the beast.
She really did, the poked the bear and the bear was awake now and ready to kill.

She told me that she was sorry, that she had been unfair and that she had meant what she had said when the previous day she had sent me a text message (after I did not answer any phone calls at all) saying that she had been rash and that she wanted us to team up again and that she was oh so very sorry and would do her best to make it up to me.
She said that I was right, that she should have listened to me, that I actually did now what I was talking about when I told her that I had written this type of things many times before and knew what a thesis should look like.
But what was most important is that SHE WAS SOO VERY SORRY!

All I can say is this; she should NEVER have apologised!
This was when I exploded, I told her that she SHOULD be sorry, that I would NOT take her back and that if she thought that I was a clown that she could knock back and forth and play around with that she was sadly mistaken.
She wanted me to apologise of course, just as she had. And granted if I had been less upset I perhaps would have, after all I am not saying that this was all her fault, I KNOW I am stubborn as a mule but there is no way that I was going to apologise after being jerked around like that.
She had no respect for me and I told her so and I also made it very clear that she WANTED to leave me alone, but she would not. She wanted to talk, so I talked.
I told her how I felt about how she had acted and how very wrong it had been. That she had been inconsiderate and that she should be bloody sorry and that I hoped that she was.
Furthermore I also asked why on earth she cared about how I felt and if I was upset or not, we were not working together anymore and we didn’t have to deal with each other at all, so the best thing was to leave things as they were and ignore the whole thing.

So I then stood up, took my things and left BUT the idiot decides that it’s a good idea to follow me!!!

So she walked next to me to the train station, all the time talking and asking me why I was so angry, if I could not put things behind me, if we could not HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE AND TALK THINGS OUT!

By now the bear could no longer be held back and well, the bear got mad.
I stopped dead in my tracks and got as I get when I’m furious.
I do not yell, I do not scream or nor do I at all raise my voice, I just get this look in my eyes that I have been told makes me look like I can actually kill someone and my voice gets soft, calm, almost soothing actualy.
I told her in no uncertain terms that she wanted to leave me alone or I would end up hitting her, that I would slap her around until she begged me to stop and then would continue just for her hell of it.
That at the very least I would make her cry just because I could and that I would take a great deal of pleasure in it.
At least this is what I remember saying, but something in me must have scared the knickers of her because I remember seeing her take a step back and looking very scared.
She told me she would be quiet and not speak to me until I decided to speak to her again.
I turned around and left.
I don't know what the heck she did, nor do I care.<7br>
Yesterday I was short but courteous, said hello, when people asked whey we were not working together anymore I didn’t comment on it but only said that I did not want to discuss it and that I had nothing to say about it.

Now...

My girlfriends that had heard me bitch about this all week long decided that Friday afternoon we would all meet after work and have a few drinks. So when our lecture was over, I fixed myself up a bit and left to take the train.
My mum had asked me to pick up a Christmas present for her and I took out money just outside the store so I could make my way to meet the “girls” about half an hour later.

Now, guess how my evening ended...
On the way out of the store two bloody idiots robbed me of my purse and ran away with it.
Of course I was not able to keep up and they managed to get away which was probably a good thing because I would have taken every little bit of anger out on both the stupid idiotic excuses for human beings that they are.

I was not hurt though; one of them pushed me and I lost my balance for a few seconds but that as obviously enough for the other one to grab my purse and run away with it.
So I had to phone my sister and have her drive me home.

And now I have to get a new id-card, bank cards, reimburse the library for a book I had in my purse.
I lost everything, keys, money, wallet, mobile phones (I have two) book, make up, you name it.
And so now I hope they choke on it, I hope they get run over by a car and that rabbid dogs bite of their family jewells of.

I hate this week! I want the week, Sarah and those two arses that robbed me dead.
I want to kill them all, tear their limbs off and feed them to rabid dogs!
Hope you who may be reading this had a better week then I did.

I have been working hard trying to meet my deadline and it has nearly been killing me, not because I can't make it, of course I can, but because I simply cannot work with this girl that I was stupid enough to team up with.
I know what you’re going to say...sometimes Desi doesn’t play well with others, but in the name of all things unholy, I really have been more then good this time. I really have!

We decided to divide the work, I did my part, and she was supposed to do hers, SHE DID NOT!
She bloody well did not and I have had to hold her bloody hand all the time too.
She is not capable of making a decision on her own and every little thing she does she has to double check with me first.
My god, if I wanted to work this hard with another person I’d get a husband for gods sake *g*
So…I’ve had to rush my work so I can now do hers.
Sure, you may ask why…why is because if I don’t I’m going to bloody flunk and I cannot do that. I am not mucking up my entire next year because of her.
Which I will if I don’t pass. So...

God I want to kill her, I want to slap her upside the head and tear of limbs off and feed them to rabid dogs!
I want to tie her up to a tree, cover her in honey and let a few million ants loose to do their job.

I know, I know, you may say this is too severe but come on!

Anyways, I just needed to mention how much I want to tear her apart, subject her to Chinese water torture, feed her to hungry sharks, and set her loose on a cell full of angry, angry bugs.
You know...vent a little.

Is that too much btw? *g* I tell ya...Zee Mad Queenie is mad! LOL And trust me, she is good at making me mad! *evil, mad grin*
I'm off to bed now...
Thank you for listening!
Thank you very much! *in her Elvis voice*



*Elvis has left the building*

Jul 18, 2005 - 12:27
Grams exchanged with one of our dear demis.

Des: Question....if a scribe is making fun of poor Desi,
is she allowed to get her whip and spank said scribe or would that get me banned?
*evil grin*

Heraklia: You can do anything to the scribe you like,
as long as it is in a dark back alley and we demis never watch the wounded see the light of day ;)

Des: Ah good, because I was just told by another scribe that you cannot get banned for pestering scribes so I should try my best, no?
Hehehe

Heraklia: LOL - just be gentle. Remember he/she, too, is mortal *ducks*

Des: Oh damn! You are serious aren't you?
And here I was hoping I could be really evil since you are switching scribes soon anyways LOL

Heraklia: LOL - we never ENCOURAGE mutilating scribes -
Des, DO NOT tell me what you're going to do

Des: LOL I wont :D Thanks for the chat *wink*



Having said that...here it goes...


This is dedicated to the beloved scribes that I am glad (or should that be sad?) to call my friends.
I will of course mention no names, that would be wrong. For example, how could I possibly mention how Asenath insists on encouraging me to do wrong, to act like a brat, to simply make this place a little bit more disorderly simply by logging in.
Or how could I speak of Aelfwine and all the times that he has tried to arouse me by saying evil things about our beloved son Othello…yes he has given me a son as well, a cyber son, granted, but a son all the same. How that was possible is a completely different issue.
Or how could I possible speak of dear Anarane, how helpful she has been and how she too insists on encouraging every single dumb arsed idea I keep coming up with for Germania.
That is one world I really do feel sorry for. Having me, a Greek of all things, wreaking havoc there. I’m surprised there is not a price on my head by now.

Well like I said, I shall mention no names because that would be wrong. It would probably give people the wrong impression and have them assume that I am only dropping names or the like.

I suppose that in a way this is a small note to thank those scribes “that shall remain unmentioned” for having supported and encouraged every single dumb arsed idea that little Desi got since they were promoted to awesome-scribalness *g*
I should thank the lovely Egyptian girl for her devotion to my madness, from which there is no cure or hope for salvation. I should also thank that dear scribe in drag for my son, how and where he came from I do not know but that is part of what makes this mystery a great one I suppose and last but certainly not least I should thank the dear elf-loving one not only for her friendship but also for my kingdom.
To be sure, I would not be called Zee Mad Queen if it wasn’t for your support and understanding, even if it always was because you simply did not know what else to do with little Desi or her dumb arse ideas *g*
And now that you may be about to leave us and rest in peace after a year of hard work and patience for what I feel must be mountains of silly, ridiculous and sometimes down right hopeless questions from what ever member that has the audacity to even think he may take up any of your time; I feel it should be said that even if you do not hear it often we do appreciate all the work and patience…loads in fact.

So, now that you may not be scribes anymore, may I get some suggestions as to who I may pester?
After all, Herky said I could *g*

For those of you that know me, and may be a friend of mine, I would like to let you all know that I have had to let me patronage go.
Unfortunately, with all my hospital bills I have not been able to pay for it in quite a while so a friend was kind enough to offer to pay fo it.
I can however no longer accept this gift, so I've asked her to cancel it.
Anyway, if you wish to find me, for as a citizen I will only have ten grams a day, I will try to log in to yahoo/msn when i am loged in here.
If you want to talk to me, give me a holler there for I wont be around much anymore.
I will of course keep a close eye on my groups and make sure I tend to them, but I wont chat or gram in here anymore.
So dont think Im ignoring you, I just cant afford the cost anymore.

See you around I hope.
Des.

Think for a moment about what would really make you happy, really happy.

We focus so relentlessly on what is making us dissatiesfied and unhappy that we forget what is great about our lives.
We compare ourselves to others and wish we had what they have.
Most people probably don't know what happiness is untill they actually experience devastation. But by then it is usually too late to change things.

A big house, loads of money, youth, popularity...some people have them all and yet they are some of the sadest people ever.

When you really think about it, you probably don't have a bad life at all.
You are not ill, you have a comfortable home, a loving family, friends that care deeply about you.
Perhaps you don't have that beach house you have always wanted or get to travel as much as you would like, but you have much more then most people do.

Most people don't actually get to experience much grief in life.
If you think about it, you will find that I am right.
Most of your family is probably still with you, safe and happy.
You have probably never been sticken by a horrible desease, like say cancer.
But hey,if you have...think about it...You are still here, you lived through it, you beat it!

So next time you start to get depressed about that lover you have lost, the money that is not coming in as you would like it too, the bills that may seem endless, that friend that may not be around as much anymore or the fact that you haven't had a vacation in a while...Remember...

Your relationships are happier then you think.
You job makes you happier then you think,or would like to admit.
Your friends are around and love you and probably envy you a little too.

Lets face it, you have a great life.
You are loved and that is what really counts.

Life will never better or sweeter then this.
Embrace it and look to the future with hope.
You are here now and you beat everything that was thrown you way.
Be happy about that.

Life is good!

Sometimes I do hate this site,well the bugs around here anyway.
And then there are the people here that can be,well...special at times.
But then again,there are days like this,when you think: "Oh nothing has changed and everyone is probably in the same mood as always" and they surprise the heck out of you.
I have to say that today was by far the best day I've had around here,in a long time.
You have all been wonderful and I love you all.
You are the reason why I keep fighting the bugs and coming back over and over again.
You are the best!
Thank you for making me smile :D

Last friday I was forced to find out if I would sink or swim.
The waiting was awful,I could feel my heart beat in a terrible rythm and I thought I would die.
Literally die!

I saw him walking towards me and could tell nothing by the expression on his face.
What would I hear?
That was it...it was either good or bad and if it was bad I knew if would be more than I cold bare.

But I swam...for the life of me I did.
I got through it and the weight of the world was off my shoulders.

I din't sink!

Well today was NOT one of those days.

I woke up from a wonderful dream,feeling wonderful myself.

By the time I had left my home to make the usual borring walk to the train I realised that we had wonderful weather,a huge bright sun,not a cloud in the sky.

As I stop by to get a my usual cup coffe at the station shop,btw you wont believe just how great their coffe is,the girl in the store told me that since she new me so well she had somethig to give me.
So she handed me a book,a magazine and a juice on the house.
For some reason they had some special on this items and had ordered too many,so she game me one of each for free.
Just for being a good customer! (her words)

When I reach my stop and was preparing to get of the train I was approached by a guy,cute btw,that told me that he had been watching me all along and said he enjoyed it emmencely.
Aparently I had a "glow" about me!

And finaly when I get to my lecture the exams were handed out and I hasd aced mine!
Whoooo hoooo me!

I just loved this day and wanted to share it with the world.

I hope you have a wonderful day to!