The recent discussions, both public and private, imply and even quite explicitly deem that I am conceived of as being insane. When I have lately expressed concerns for Rome, posed questions and made remarks, to those of them I have got a reply, it has mainly been suggestive of my apparent need of medication.

From all this, I have drawn some conclusions, both private and public.

Privately, it’s become very clear to me this site is not the site I thought I was joining and even contributing to with both money and the time I have used working as a volunteer to take care of Rome and the site in general. I joined this site for both my love of ancient history, and to meet (again) familiar and new people with whom I wanted to exchange ideas and discuss. I became a scribe because I thought I could make a difference, help people and by working as an organiser, help people find ways to contribute and share, as well as meet more new people via the volunteer “work.”

The events and discussions of late show that this is not what this site is about anymore. Apart from articles appearing in the ACTA, to the submitters of which I am most grateful, little has been done what comes to history lately. What comes to the community – I’m not sure there is such left. Or there is, but it has now showed its true main nature. Like with the two predecessors of this site – those that should not even be mentioned – again it has become evident this site is, in general, one big power game. Or at least that is what this site is for many, and I’m afraid that bunch of people are not really hiding. There is now even a general invitation-based power roleplay group, namely the Curia, for those who have proceeded to a certain level in the games.

(This all of course is not bad for business – actually I’ve come to believe it is a very important motive for patronage.)

For a lengthy period already, the discussions and actions done by the people who I thought were supposed to be building this site together have turned to personal battles and conflicts. Questions and concerns, and especially disagreement, have been viewed as insults. Agreement, on the other hand, with those who say they have “power,” can gather a great number of points to the account of the yes-person.

Realising this, and also the fact I have been blind enough not to understand what is happening around me and how I have myself got entangled into the games played, I don’t want to have anything to do with it. I don't want to contribute any of my time, not to mention money, to support such a thing - and be viewed as one of the players doing everything humanly possible to get the appreciation of those who claim they have "power."

More importantly, on a public level, I have always tried to keep the best interest of our city and all of us active Romans, together with the development of this site as a whole, as my primary motive for my actions, including concerns, questions, and disagreements as well as enthusiasm and energetic work.

The way things have turned out recently has made me realise I cannot fulfil the demands of what has been my task at AW anymore. It has become impossible for me to cooperate with several of the demigods because of personal reasons caused by factual disagreement. My reactions to the way they have responded to my genuine concerns have not helped, of course.

In this situation in which cooperation has become impossible, I cannot positively contribute to Rome. If I am viewed as a lunatic and my concerns and questions are answered with the suggestion to take medication, I cannot act as a trustworthy and reliable advocate or welcomer for Rome anymore. Although I know my resignation is exactly what is being hoped for by certain people, I will not be petty enough to continue just to annoy them and will fulfil their wish. My being a scribe is not in the best interests of Rome, either. Someone else could do what I am now failing to do a lot better.

Thus I resign, taking effect immediately.

On a personal note, I’m sorry and afraid I couldn’t do as much as I would have wanted. My deepest apologies to all who contributed to projects that now will be left unfinished, and to everyone in Rome who counted on me in some way. I never wanted to let you down.

What has kept me going through awful times, and made me very pleased, was to meet many splendid Romans and citizens of AW in general. Please keep gramming me, and let me know how you are. I can always be emailed, too, if you have questions or want to discuss. (My email is available at my home; I will not write the address here to avoid spam.)

Now this nutcase wishes everyone wonderful, relaxing, and happy holidays! Remember: hugs are important! Keep in touch

Although our interests vary and our posts and types of discussion are different, ancient history is what we all are here for and the love of ancient history

Not to sound like a cliché-generator, let me proceed to my point: we need more active history discussion.

Thinking aloud on this topic today, to the great sadness (yeah, right) of the two or three people who ever read my journal, means I'll postpone my thoughts on "being a scribe" till tomorrow.

Although the GoldFest and the NOLA II convention are both important to the community and community spirit of this site, as well as entertaining and even historically interesting (with all the trivias and contextual information supplied), after these events are over I am suggesting we concentrate on building our history boards and academic groups.

And I'm sure not many object! From discussions with members online for months I have got the distinct idea most are happy with most things at this site, including the history discussions, but more is always wanted. I by NO means mean that we don't have a great deal of (quality) history discussion going on at this site - because we do. But I do share the opinion of several others that we could and should have more.

I cannot speak on the behalf of the other cities, but in my home town Rome, I think we have a splendid supply of academic areas, covering Roman history time-periodically all the way from the founding of Rome to Commodus's reign with the three groups Fundamina Romae, Aedes Divii Julii, and Pax Romana (plus the projected between Pax and Byzantium group), plus the topic-based groups on Roman arts, law, religion, military, etc., etc., and, in addition, many topics on the open boards, for example those discussing Roman daily life on the Subura board.

So at least in Rome we have the resources and we have the places to post. What we need - is more posts!

The main problem about this is that, I'm afraid, it is a lot harder to start and keep up a decent historical discussion of any kind than to hold a festival. It's not that planning and implementing festivals is easy; it's because nurturing a discussion is hard. Discussions can wither away easier than Lessing's son.

This brings me to the two main points I want to state in this entry. Firstly, we need good ideas for cheering up the history discussions and I am very, very, very open for all of them. Please contact me with all you can come up with. So far there are three ideas I have in mind, one existing in Rome, and two projected ones.

On Rome page can be found the - I hope helpful - Roman History at AncientWorlds index, on which all main discussions on Roman history are supposedly listed and people are encouraged, no, begged to add hints and comments on good discussions going. Please, if you post somewhere, or see posts going, add a note under this index and others will perhaps find it better.

I have also suggested a Bulletin Board Post Contest for early next year. Please check out the link and read about the idea! I am hoping that if implemented, this would encourage participation at the site in general and especially on the history discussion areas.

I also have had in mind a more far-reaching concept for an area with the working name "AncientStudies," a sort of classroom environment for subscribers including encyclopaedias, trivias, grammars, vocabularies, lectures, rehearseals, etc. This I will have to post about soon.

But this is not sufficient, in my opinion - so please, my anonymous reader, contact me with your thoughts!

My second point is this: we need to dare to discuss!

My old saying goes: "when nobody posts, nobody posts." It sounds like a tautology, but what is meant is that if nobody posts, nobody else will feel tempted to post in reply, or start a new discussion on an existing or a new topic, just because we naturally feel nobody would read or post in reply anyway. Both the tautology and the fact it might be nobody much replies or comments can be true, and that frightens me!

Not all of us are scholars - I think I'm myself a good example of a member of this site whose knowledge of ancient history is quite limited and whose research is on a more non-historical topic (and to whom there is no much time left for serious history research). Still, I very eagerly follow all discussions (especially of course Roman history related ones) and at times, when I feel I have something to add or ask or comment on, add to the discussion.

But then again, that is one of my main points in this little journal entry of mine: many people actually follow. They might not react, but they do read. I read half of the daily index every day and react to some 2% of it, that's how it goes - and the same is true with many.

What I suggest is that we all, who just can, do three things: we both start history discussions on the topics of our own interest, and react to the posts of others so that conversations do not turn into monologies, and also give feedback.

Giving feedback is extremely important and we all get too little of it. For example the ACTA issues and especially the writers of the splendid articles appearing there get very few if at all feedback. I'm usually grammed by the same handful of people who usually comment on the paper. It's strange!

And I have to admit I have not been the patron scribe of feedback-givers either! It's only a couple of times a month I from my own iniciative give feedback to people personally or at their homes. I really really need to change that.

As a summary: we need good ideas and we need some daring of the true lover of history. Postare aude!

Tanaquil will strangle me for the faulty Latin.

Recently I have been thinking about some comments I have heard from people close to me and about the fact newbies usually do not gram me very actively.

The same seems to be true of (at least most) other scribes: people have all kinds of assumptions on who we are and what we are supposed to do. I've also heard of wild rumours about how scribes are asked to be scribes!

First I really thought there are no real problems and that most people view us the "right" way.

I was right, but not right enough, as it seems. There's a lot of nonsense and a lot of critical points that could turn out to be constructive if brought to the attention of scribes and demigods at AW, and dealt with.

Take this as a preface for a longer journal entry I will post about my experiences as a scribe.

I never thought I'd do such autobiographical junk weeping - I mean, although I am very, very, VERY happy with the fact I can help and organise actively at this site, I do think "My Life as a Scribe" would sound absolutely hilarious to every self-respecting individual out there in the world. Although wonderful, important, time-consuming, constructive, educational, and beautiful, this IS an online site and not the whole of my or your life.

That's one of my main points anyway.

But now I'll get some sleep and come back with fresher thoughts tomorrow. Tune in for revelations on Max's personal... appearances.

Diantha and I just recently started a topic for Rome Families Discussion. The idea is - as I state in the topic description - to "Please post ideas for family areas and discussions, family 'leadership,' the relationship of welcoming and families, etc., on this topic" as a "step towards the implementation of family areas."

Looks like we've had some really active discussion there right away, and I hope all Romans will join in and give their input. Although not always very active, the families were an important ingredient of AS - perhaps it's not bad to learn from those experiences and do our best to re-instate this "feature."

I will have to post this on the Meditrinalia board as well.

I think our Meditrinalia & Fontinalia was a hit and I was especially happy to see so many patrons and citizens, even novices, posting on these topics. Quite often and in many celebrations it's been seen that only active staff members, scribes and demigods, participate, with the rest (most) of the site falling silent. This time, we had great participation and great fun, with many patrons and citizens both planning, posting, and organising our festivities!

Now it's time for a thank-you note to all those who participated. THANK YOU EVERYONE who posted and made my Med & Font a very pleasant event - I had LOADS of fun and I hope so did you.

I'd like to especially mention some people who worked hard to make this festival a success. I'd like to thank all those who so graciously placed Scavenger hunt clues to their homes and came up with clues for their own names all over the site. Thanks for the imaginative and flexible work!

Although we all had such great fun, for wonderful posts and good humour I would like to commend especially Tobius Tullius and jojo Nebuchadnezzar. You guys can party!

Also thanks to the Roman Vigiles-Welcomers, Frontinus Sempronius, Tanaquil Sergius, and Diantha Livius, who tirelessly welcomed all Roman and Founding patrons to this event.

There are four patrons who I'd like to specially thank. Edwinus Aelius tirelessly organised and conducted the exciting races. Paullus Fabius planned and organised the Roman History trivia (and won most of the other contests). Tanaquil Sergius, as always, managed to make our Latin a bit better with the Latin trivia. Proserpina Curius posted her speeches and functioned as an overall cheerleader. Thank you, dear patrons, for the helping hands and brilliant work!

For the brilliant satyre, and all her background and frontstage work, I'd like to convey my great gratitude to Heraklia Aelius, who with her brilliant wit made us all fall off our chairs once and again.

And for the overall planning, hard work contacting people, most of our Meditrinalia- and contest-related graphics, and the overall cheerfulness she always spreads throughout the site, I'd like to thank my colleague in better and in worse, Diantha Livius.

Again, thanks to all who participated!!!

I'm back in Rome and nobody notices! Looks like the rest of the festival, most prominently the satirical Satyre "Livy's Lies" by Heraklia, went astonishingly well and that our GoldFest was - as I tried to put it - even more than just a Floralia resurrection.

Thanks to all who participated! Now I'll try to catch up.

Volume III - Issue I - GoldFest Special has just been published! Thank you so much, all writers and editors.

I surely hope the code is OK, and that the last day of Meditrinalia and Fontinalia will go well: I will be logging off shortly and jump on the early evening train to visit some relatives and relax.

This has been a too busy week for me!

Heavens! I never realised a Roman History trivia could be so much fun. With the panel classically down and the topic filled with active (and funny) Romans, the results are clear.

Overall, a wonderful day! It does seem the last hint at the Scavenger hunt was quite hard to most, though - not many have passed the full slate of homes!

Again I'm off to bed - I need to be perky tomorrow to get the ACTA done and follow the festivities. Looks like Aifa's section is ready, and Vortigern is working on his, so I think the publication will go well.

I've written on the boards everything else I have to say! I had such great fun today and the opening ceremonies, Latin trivia, scavenger hunts, and races were such splendid events! I hope also others enjoyed.

Now I'll turn the lights of and get to bed.

Thanks to the careful planning by the Germanic scribes, and the huge wit of Heraklia, I had such great fun at the Germanic GoldFest!

Now I hope Rome's festival will be as much fun. Looks like people are enthusiastic about, especially, the Scavenger Hunts. We'll have two, one Rome-wide on Monday, and one Site-wide on Tuesday. I hope those will be sufficient; the clues are certainly more difficult than they were at Floralia.

Dear reader, please remember to tune into the next ACTA DIVRNA issue for information on the upcoming events in all the cities still to be visited by the Golden Phoenix!